time for change :)

Will slowly be shifting over to a new blog to avoid clutter and mess. It’s the time of the year for change. :)

I updated with a first post!

blue moon made of blue cheese

thank God the examinations are finally over! :D

after our paper, sh and i headed down to marche for linner and catching up:)

and then, we went to Trim Our Eyebrows at sothy’s. ahahaha. a personal first, painful, but bearable.

had some bbq gathering at auntie wee lee’s house after the mad-assignment/project-rush this semester, it proved to be time well-spent with brothers and sisters, and new friends. made some cheesecake which was very well-received too!

what’s even more cool is that at prayer meet today, they are starting a regular cross-cultural visitation plan; and a businessman’s fellowship, as a form of spiritual support, and building up of spiritual relationships and solidarity amongst the church members. :) really encouraging to see people make effort despite their busy schedules to serve brothers and sisters in this way. i really wonder how much my family (in future) will be able to give ha ha.

till ____ do us part

A friend once mentioned that she was filled with apprehension about marriage: what if it did not work out? what if it led to a divorce, or worse – to have to remain wedded for life in a dysfunctional relationship? (which would be the case for christians who do not wish to subscribe to the option of divorce in a bad marriage.) Her question surprised me, because I have always been one who believed in marriage being nothing short of a blessing, a joyous celebration, a sweet foretaste of heavenly love when two become one flesh. In simpler terms, I believe in a ‘happily ever after’. Her fears made me think twice about ‘happily ever after’ though: what if God intends for you to have a ‘bad marriage’? I had always believed that if God joined two persons together, goodness would definitely outweigh everything else, no questions asked. But it’s true, God creates the masterplan: what if He has a different plan for you or me? Back at home, mum validated my friend’s concern: we never know how God works things out, He may not bless you with a ‘happily ever after’ in marriage.

Ouch. After twenty-one years of holding on strongly to the idealisation of a happy marriage in future, I suddenly felt an awkward apprehension creeping over me too. Maybe I hold on so strongly to it because with my parents divorce, I have never quite seen how a ‘happily-ever-after’ marriage in Christ was like. To me, it exists in a kind of hope or dream. Maybe others may find this dream threatened too, if they have not seen what a strong marriage rooted in Christ could be like. In church last week Rev Lai mentioned how the marriage vow ’till death do us part’ still remained a valid statement to be accountable to, years and years after a couple weds. Did they take those marriage vows lightly? Did they not believe in the power of those words, or in the sacredness of marriage before God? Those same words breathed at the wedding ceremony, remained as valid and true for a couple years down the road after they have aged. I am really clueless what kind of expectations we can approach marriage with, and truth be told, I have always wondered about those vows and if the ideal image of marriage is viable today, ’till death do us part’.

keeping thoughtfulness.

thankfulness for this semester.
toddler’s ministry: do they really learn?
‘culture mandate?’.
why do i study?
a more-honest culmination of year 2008:
shao, deal with your weaknesses and be thankful for your strengths.
thoughts on the literature ministry.
church and home.

(countdown: 5 more papers; 9 more days.)

best medicine.

At slightly past 11pm last night (22 April), there was this strange period of unconventionally strong winds that felt as if it was going to blow my house away. It lasted for about 15 minutes i think. Sounds silly, but when I was seated under my mum’s bedroom window feeling lousy because of cramps and heard those winds crash against the window panes, I really pictured this gigantic tornado (yes, like those in the twister film) bulldozing everything in its path, and coming our way.

Feeling terribly unsettled, I insisted my mum and littleone “CHECK THE NEWS because this is not normal.” My mum of course, was busy with preparing bible study, and littleone was busy reading a friend’s blog. So I switched on the television – hallmark channel 17.  No prizes for guessing what movie was showing at that point ha ha.

they warm your soul.

The thought of exams starting this saturday (less than 6 days away!) is terribly unnerving. I have tried my best to be as consistent  as I can this semester, but there is still so much revision to be done! yikes! :(

Somehow, each time I freak out (my heart gives a little aaah! when I realise how close it is to the start of everything and how far I am from being prepared) – my brain dances to the toddlers at Sunday service and I find my heartbeat stabilising and my heart grow warm and fuzzy. :)

It is just a very wonderful wonderful feeling seeing how each little kid has grown over the past few months. They are just so endearing, how they learn new things, how they get excited, how they relate to others, how they listen to the Bible stories, how they like to be touched or hugged to feel loved. Reminds me of the days helping out at TRBK as an assistant teacher. It is more than being a ‘paedophile’, it is really letting those little ones warm your soul – reminds me of the childlike faith when Jesus calls the little children to come to Him. Even when it seems they don’t “get it” at times, I really hope this toddler’s ministry will reap fruits in the future – that these little kids will grow up to really be God-fearing, Bible-loving children of God. As mum taught us at Bible study on Friday, while salvation cannot be passed on, faith can. (:

hearsay

So they hear from them,
and we hear from them in the car.

It feels almost surreal that after two years, you finally decided where you want to belong and what you want to do with everything.

I just don’t understand how someone could have put everything down like that without any sense of accountability to those who supported you and those whom you led for years.

Not even a note, an acknowledgement, a message.
Just hearsay.

the music ministry and our service

The prayerful building up of anticipation and preparation for the Good Friday Service called for a reflection of this semester. Using Tania’s words, I have been a “wandering lamb” before the Lord, relying on my own strength and abilities to get me through the rigor and expectations of school. It is not true that schoolwork caused me to lose sight of God and allow my spiritual life to take a backseat. It feels more of an excuse looking at it now, because facing challenges in managing priorities is an everyday occurence, what is required of us is to actively put our Faith first, not passively allow the circumstances we face to lead us by the nose. Our insufficiencies became most clear when we pondered the death and resurrection of Christ yesterday. I have been selfish and must have been an insufferable family member and friend the past few weeks. And yet our friends among us have been a powerful testimony of God’s presence in our lives — how she’s grown and matured over the past few months, how everyone faithfully worked to give their best to God in the Good Friday presentation, how they constantly reached out to the nursing students every week. It was encouraging and spiritually uplifting, to say the least.

The service last evening altered my perception of a “church service”. There was no sermon, no message, not even the briefest summary or reflection at the end of the service. Instead, the approx 90-minute bilingual service on the last 7 days of Christ through the perspective of Mary Magdalene was presented through a structured series of recitation interspersed with music led either by the choir or the strings ensemble. Everyone involved in the presentation must have believed in the power and all-sufficiency of God’s Word.

When guan lao shi told the choir one or two weeks ago that we would not be singing some songs in its parts (i.e. sing only the melody of the hymn) because he wanted the congregation to join in singing, many of us were crushed. I suppose sometimes we think of a church choir as people who can make music in harmony, present songs with SATB parts, usually songs that sound different than those the church congregation sings. His decision reminded me of a sermon Rev Lai preached a few Sundays ago on the Ministry of Kenaniah (1 Chronicles 15).

We had no basis to be disappointed by his decision, since the purpose of a church choir is far from presenting songs alone. It more importantly involves directing the congregation to worship God during the service. Another important reminder to me was that a being part of a church choir is by appointment and not so much related to other factors such as one’s musical skill: background in music, quality of voice, degree of tone-deafness/perfect-pitch. (Somehow I transferred all the criteria used in hall and school’s music groups onto this.) On the other hand, it is precisely because it is an appointment that it demands (1) commitment, time and effort in practicing (2) spiritual commitment: reconciled relationship with God and prayerfulness.

Especially useful reminders to take home since I come from a family who knows music and our previous church choir(s) seem to emphasise on one’s ability… I think many of us may have a pre-misconceived notion of how a choir should be like. To sidetrack a little, I think we are really blessed to have E and T serving in the music ministry because despite being gifted in the area, they are never prejudiced against brothers and sisters who are less skilled. I have never seen a teacher (and his wife) so patient in building up not just the musical abilities of members, but also in developing their spiritual discipline in music and teaching them how to appreciate scared music and worship. And our lack of perfection — some going off pitch, some inconsistent in rhythm etc. — all serve to highlight the grace of our Lord in covering our weaknesses and allowing His glory to shine through. I do hope everyone (in the choir, and those who attended the service last evening) was encouraged and greatly edified. :)

countdowns and bad dreams

I cannot describe how thankful I am that Prof extended the deadline for my ELL assignment by four days!
and another group project down today. ooosh!
will be working real hard tonight for another one down tomorrow. yay.

even ended our last changing landscapes DG with lunch. :)

had a horrible nightmare yesterday, really could not sleep well. the sort that you wake up halfway and your dream continues where it left off, and then you wake up again, and it continues when you force yourself to go back to bed…

it’s really not a pleasant dream at all, but it was so real i’m going to type it out as a form of recollection. chris says when you are cold, you tend to have nightmares. maybe? but maybe it was also because of the new media violence video clips that was screened during our new media lecture in the morning. :( so traumatising.

only on a page: striking a balance?

I do enjoy group projects because firstly, a good project encourages constructive collaboration with your group-mates and it is a good chance to bounce ideas and opinions off course-mates, helpful especially for a mute in classes like myself. It also means that at the end of the semester, you walk away gaining new friends from the module, which is valuable given the fact that it is not easy making and keeping friends with the hustle-bustle in university.

Yet one lesson I learned this semester is that managing more than one group project is no joke, it can pose a huge inconvenience in your schedule. Projects tend to be rigorous and demands a lot of one’s time – and whole chunks of it at one go. It becomes frustrating when you have a difficult member(s), or when the workload is not spread out evenly among the group. Of course such are all collaborations when you have to pull off something as a team. But please just not let it come all at one go? :(

That being said, there is much to give thanks for as always. Not because He has blessed us with many external goodies to brighten up our day (although that may work), but more importantly how He has been a steadfast fortress where we can run and bury our hearts, souls, minds in. My ramblings on the 3 April was an honest culmination of the frustrations I struggled with throughout this week. I just wish instead of throwing them out in the blogsphere, I took them straight to my God. As Chris has said, we ought to tell our problems how big our God is, not tell God how big our problems are. A big step for me to next take!

3 April post under the cut: